Since I have been writing so much in my formal education, I decided to post some of it on my blog. I hope you enjoy it!

Throughout the reading for the semester, there were countless phenomenal sources and concepts introduced. Among the principles that were presented, there were several that stood out: preparation for marriage matters, marriage is a tool of sanctification, there are responsibilities and expectations on both the husband and the wife, children are people created in the image of God, divorce is real and should not be treated as the unforgivable sin, and remarriage is a dangerous and delicate topic. Each of these principles are ones that strike against normalcy; they set apart what Christian marriage, family, and child ministry should look like. 

For many, marriage is a lot like the finish line. When someone is running a race, they keep their focus on whatever that mark of distance is in which they are aiming for in their given situation. That finish line affects every step they take, their breathing pattern, the pace by which they move their legs, and their very mindset leading up to the race. However, once they reach that finish line, they just…stop. That’s the point though—they are supposed to stop; they’ve finished. Their hard work paid off. They are at the end. No more effort is needed. This is not the case for someone pursuing and eventually attaining marriage. In fact, it is the exact opposite. When people view marriage as the finish line, they have started off with the biggest mistake—not understanding the task ahead of them. The truth is that marriage is the starting line of its own run. It is one of the longest runs in life that a human being can know, and because of this (when viewed with the correct perspective), it requires some of the greatest preparation and training beforehand. This analogous paragraph is meant to illustrate the importance of preparing for marriage. Rather than sprinting to it and then stopping, there is work to be done for the next lifetime regarding the married couple’s love for one another, service toward each other, sacrifice, intimacy, romance, support, teamwork, and so much more. The best way to finish the race well is to put in immense preparation time beforehand!

Sanctification—the plan of God for every human being. Within that doctrinal word is wrapped up the summation of the human existence. Though sanctification takes place post-salvation, it is the will of God that every person be saved and then transformed into His image. Marriage is one of the main tools that God uses in His hand to bring this course to pass in the life of a Christian. Inside of marriage is a unique relationship that isn’t found anywhere else on the planet or within human existence. Marriage presents a mutual, agreed upon, contractual, covenantal relationship where, when carried out properly, two people become one in all areas of life. When this oneness comes to pass, everything is known, vulnerability is welcomed, intimacy is known, and sin is seen. Because of this deep oneness, spouses will know each other’s goods and bads, positives and negatives, successes and failures, strengths and weaknesses, righteousness and unrighteousness more than any other person on the planet. With this knowledge of another person comes the reality of forgiving and forbearing in a very real, minute-by-minute sense. This is the pinnacle of Christian sanctification—learning how to live amongst one another in the sight of God in spite of the wrong that has been done to oneself.

Because marriage is an element used in the act of sanctifying the saint, it must be understood that marriage is a two-way road. In other words, there are two people involved in the marital relationship, and if those two people are Christians, they are equally responsible for their own obedience to God’s working in their lives. There are responsibilities that lie with both the husband and the wife in a marital relationship. A husband is responsible before God for being the loving servant-leader of the family, aiming to represent Christ in all aspects of his guidance, direction, and decision-making for the family. The wife has an equally vital role—submission. Now, this term has been both abused and neglected by dictatorial men and narcissistic women. Submission is so vital in the home because it represents the Church’s (Christians as a whole) relationship to their Lord Jesus Christ. This does not mean that she is a “yes woman”, rather that she is in a place of her own responsibility. Whereas husbands will answer to God for his leadership—both good and bad—wives will answer for their ability to support the husband in that headship over their home. When a home and family have both a loving husband and a submissive wife, there will be unprecedented fruit within the children that they produce. 

Husbands and wives will also share another vital relational role—being parents. Being a mom. Being a dad.  This is a lost responsibility to most in the present generation and even the preceding ones. However, there is a high responsibility on parents because these children are literally little people—they have souls, hearts, feelings, wills, emotions, preferences, ideas, and little idiosyncrasies that are unique to them and them alone. God had created them in their own special way to be guided, nurtured, and raised up in the way that He created them to be. There is an extremely important balance for parents to find between being the boss of their children and understanding that they must be themselves and grow up to be who the Lord has called them to be in their lives. This philosophy should impact the way that parents address their children, how they discipline them, and how they put expectations on them. Children should, at a base level, be treated with the same level of respect as adult human beings and be treated with the same kindness and love that would be expected from any Christian. Never should there be derogatory terms and tones used with young people. Viewing children as people would tremendously help many family dynamics that are struggling today with balancing between spoiling their children and being overbearing.

Sadly, there is another reality that comes with the discussion of marriage and marital responsibilities. That is divorce. The point when marriage is no more, and it becomes nullified. There are many swirling thoughts, convictions, opinions, and views regarding the concept of divorce. One of the greatest lessons to be learned is that, simply put, divorce is real. It’s rarely going to be stopped. There’s no magic solution to do away with it. Jesus taught that it comes as a result of the hardness of hearts involved. It is called sin, and never presented in a positive way, Because it is real, it ought to be dealt with as such. One could shun those that have either made this choice or been left by a former spouse if they choose, but that is never prescribed in the Scriptures. In fact, the community of the Church is to be one that meets people at their sin and helps them to find a way to live their life in a way that can glorify God. Even above that, there are parameters that God gives in the Holy Text that make divorce permissible (sexual infidelity and the unbeliever departing from the believer in marriage based on their lifestyle for the Lord). Obviously, permission does not equate to pleasure. Simply because God says something is okay does not mean it is what He wants, but nevertheless, believers ought to heed these permissions as what they are. With all of that to be considered when it comes to divorce, one should heed treating it like the unforgivable sin or treating divorcees like they have the plague. There should be mercy, grace, love, empathy, compassion, and kindness offered to the divorced just like the drunkard. 

Beyond divorce, there is another very delicate topic in the marital discussion—remarriage. This discussion is one that is even more delicate than that of divorce from a biblical perspective. Remarriage is mentioned even less in the Scriptures than divorce is, yet it too is a reality, and much like divorce, there is great controversy around the convictions that surround remarriage in the life of a Christian. Jesus made it rather clear that anyone who marries someone who has been divorced causes that person to sin, yet it would seem that that application may be outside of the permissible areas for divorce mentioned above. Especially in the case of an unbeliever departing, Paul seems to make it clear that the brother or sister who is departed from is not bound in this matter. Rather, the divorce falls on the responsibility of the unbeliever for rejecting the lifestyle and truth that the believer in the marriage had to offer. The answer is somewhat unclear regarding remarriage—ideally, it would never be a necessity, but the Church is not to operate in idealism, but in realit. Much like divorcees, those who have remarried under the proper conditions should not be seen in a different light than any other Christian. Even those who divorce and remarry for the wrong reasons ought to be presented with the grace of God that can put the pieces back together in a better way than any man’s attempt ever could.