Author: Hunter See

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The Effects of Breakups on Culture and Christianity – Part I

May 16, 2022 | Christian Living, Dating, Relationships, Series, Wisdom | No Comments

Introduction

In the last century, there has been a shift in culture—a disruption in the status quo of relational interaction. Specifically, amidst the process of two people going from friendship to marriage. A new course has sieged the relational scene and is now dominating the arena, this course is what is known as dating. This paradigm shift has introduced a flood of new questions and concerns into all relationships across the spectrum—be it friendships, familial relationships, workplace relationships, or the actual romantic interest that is intended to lead to marriage (or not lead to marriage). The subtopic up for discussion here is the breakups that result from this dating paradigm. Although it has been over a century since the dating and breakup paradigms have entered society, counselors, pastors, and average church people are still ill-equipped to handle them; consequently, this topic needs to be analyzed, processed, and addressed through a proper, psychological, and biblical lens.

Context—A Burden Carried

With the shift in courtship, romantic interest, and dating storming the culture, inevitably the church is seeing the effects of this young paradigm as well. There are countless divorced people, widowed spouses, young adults, and teenagers that have been reared knowing nothing but a romantic pursuit that is filled with rejection, risk, heartbreak, and turmoil (Young and Adams 2001, 60). Breakups seemingly strike these demographics in ways that are detrimental to their hearts (speaking of the inner man; the thoughts, passions, desires, feelings, and wants) and relational health (Thomas 2021, 30-41). Sadly, breakups have been normalized as if people are expendable, as if hearts are not fragile, as if relationships are for individuals. This culture that has been created around serial dating—a term used in Jonathan Pokluda’s new book, Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed—has produced serial breakups and is leaving the church in great need (Pokluda 2021, 171). Through a proper biblical lens, there is hope for those ransacked by this paradigm shift and the negative effects thereof.

A History of Dating—Briefly Covered

            The history of dating is easily tracked given the slim amount of time that society has had to adapt to it as a regularity; however, there are not many easily-accessible resources on the history of dating. Dating finds its origins in the early 1900s, storming the forefront of culture and publicity in the 1920s (Getlin, 2016). Larry Getlin makes note of this in his article, commenting on the primary source that will be under review in this section, Labor of Love: the Invention of Dating. One fact worthy of noting is that Labor of Love: the Invention of Dating is a history of the dating paradigm from the perspective of a feminist, Moira Weigel. However, there is still much to be gleaned from her comments and research about dating and its origins.

            The concept of dating formed as an alternative and outflow from a classic courtship model; some time will be spent on the differences and contrast of these two in a later section of this writing. A “need” seemed to rise for women as society began to see women going into cities—leaving homes, farms, and small businesses—to work jobs in mainstream companies. Moira Weigel would define dating as, “the form that courtship takes in a society where it takes place in a free market” (2016, 7). To Weigel’s point, as America was shifting in its culture, romantic pursuit began to inadvertently adapt. No longer were traditional parents setting up their children through family members and matchmakers, like in the Old Country where a community was the controlling element of courtship (Weigel 2016, 14). Courting and dating are used in modern days nearly interchangeably, but this is not the truth. The two are drastically different, and understanding this difference is key in obtaining a solid perspective of dating in its roots.

            It is important to understand the heart behind dating as well, referring to the motives and intents that dating spawned from and ushered people towards. Weigel summarizes this by stating,

The old-fashioned practices of chaperoned courtship and calling had drawn clear lines between the worlds of men and women. Dating undid them. It took courtship out of the private sphere and into the public places. It transferred control over the process from the older generation to the younger generation, from the group to the individual, and from women to men. (Weigel 2016, 20)

One will notice the three major contrasts that Weigel takes note of in the final sentence of her paragraph. There was a reluctance toward any form of Biblical authority. No longer did young people want to be told by their parents who to marry. No longer did people want to have others holding them accountable in a family-group setting. No longer did women want to be the ones submitting to men in the leading of the courting process. Though there are without doubt some good notes to be taken in terms of individual discernment and mutual interest regarding romantic pursuit, there is an obvious sense of rebellion that had awoken as society shifted from courting to dating.

            This history is crucial when discussing breakups; without it one cannot grasp the full scope of where and how breakups entered the timeline of romantic pursuits. A couple more noteworthy facts should be mentioned before moving on. First, the term dating was coined in 1896 by a writer named George Ade. Ade wrote in a weekly column for The Chicago Record and wrote a story in which a young man confronted a girl who began to see other men. In the story, the young man is recorded as saying, “I s’pose the other boy’s fillin’ all my dates?” (referring to the dates on the calendar)—thus the “date” was born (Weigel 2016, 12). Last, dating was viewed in a very negative sense by much of society as it began to come to the forefront of romance in the early 1900s. Weigel writes extensively about how women were viewed, but Getlin summarizes her records well in his article.  He says, “When those single women, stripped from their dependency on fathers and husbands, began to be courted in public, police, politicians, and civic leaders were alarmed” (Getlin, 2016). Much more could be covered on dating and its origins. The grand takeaways for the sake of this writing should be that dating was an adaptation and mutation of a prior form of romantic pursuit known as courtship, the heart of dating was not one of godly origins, and dating was not viewed in a positive light by the mainstream media for decades.

References

Bancroft, J. “The Endocrinology of Sexual Arousal.” joe. BioScientifica, September 1, 2005. https://joe.bioscientifica.com/view/journals/joe/186/3/1860411.xml. 

Baucham, Voddie. What He Must Be…if He Wants to Marry My Daughter. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway Books, 2009. 

Buss, David M. 2019. “The Evolution of Love in Humans.” In The New Psychology of Love, edited by Sternberg, Robert J., and Karin Sternberg, 42-63. Cambridge University Press, 2019. 

Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000. 

Eggerichs, Emerson. Love & Respect: the Respect He Desperately Needs. Nashville, TN: Integrity Publishers, 2004. 

Eisenman, Russell. “Scientific Insights Regarding the Orgasm: Europe’s Journal of Psychology.” Scientific Insights Regarding the Orgasm| Europe’s Journal of Psychology, 2008.https://ejop.psychopen.eu/index.php/ejop/article/view/430/html.   

Eldredge, John, and Stasi Eldredge. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2010. 

Eldredge, John. Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2010. 

Farrel, Bill, and Pam Farrel. Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti: Friendship, Romance, and Relationships That Work. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Pub, 2008. 

Field, Tiffany. “Romantic Breakups, Heartbreak and Bereavement-Romantic Breakups.” Psychology. Scientific Research Publishing, July 25, 2011. https://www.scirp.org/html/6296.html. 

Getlen, Larry. “The Fascinating History of How Courtship Became ‘Dating’.” New York Post. New York Post, July 26, 2017. https://nypost.com/2016/05/15/the-fascinating-history-of-how-courtship-became-dating/. 

Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2003. 

Lane, Timothy S. Sex before Marriage: How Far Is Too Far? New Growth Press, 2009. 

Ludy, Eric, and Leslie Ludy. When God Writes Your Love Story: the Ultimate Guide to Guy/Girl Relationships. Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2009. 

Masonheimer, Phylicia. Stop Calling Me Beautiful. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, U.S, 2020. 

Parrott, Les, and Leslie L. Parrott. Saving Your Marriage before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask before–and after–Your Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2015. 

Pokluda, Jonathan, and Kevin McConaghy. Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed. Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2021. 

“Psychology.” Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, 2021. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/psychology. 

Thomas, Gary. The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not about Who You Marry, but Why? Colorado Springs, CO: David C Cook, 2021. 

Unger, Merrill F. The New UNGER’S Bible Dictionary. Edited by R. K. Harrison, Howard Frederic Vos, and Cyril J. Barber. Moody Publishers, 2005. 

Weigel, Moira. Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2016. 

Young, Ben, and Sam Adams. The One: a Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate. Nashville, TN: T. Nelson Publishers, 2001. 

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By Hunter See

Lessons From a Marital Counseling Class

May 2, 2022 | Divorce, Marriage, Relationships, Remarriage, Uncategorized | No Comments

Since I have been writing so much in my formal education, I decided to post some of it on my blog. I hope you enjoy it!

Throughout the reading for the semester, there were countless phenomenal sources and concepts introduced. Among the principles that were presented, there were several that stood out: preparation for marriage matters, marriage is a tool of sanctification, there are responsibilities and expectations on both the husband and the wife, children are people created in the image of God, divorce is real and should not be treated as the unforgivable sin, and remarriage is a dangerous and delicate topic. Each of these principles are ones that strike against normalcy; they set apart what Christian marriage, family, and child ministry should look like. 

For many, marriage is a lot like the finish line. When someone is running a race, they keep their focus on whatever that mark of distance is in which they are aiming for in their given situation. That finish line affects every step they take, their breathing pattern, the pace by which they move their legs, and their very mindset leading up to the race. However, once they reach that finish line, they just…stop. That’s the point though—they are supposed to stop; they’ve finished. Their hard work paid off. They are at the end. No more effort is needed. This is not the case for someone pursuing and eventually attaining marriage. In fact, it is the exact opposite. When people view marriage as the finish line, they have started off with the biggest mistake—not understanding the task ahead of them. The truth is that marriage is the starting line of its own run. It is one of the longest runs in life that a human being can know, and because of this (when viewed with the correct perspective), it requires some of the greatest preparation and training beforehand. This analogous paragraph is meant to illustrate the importance of preparing for marriage. Rather than sprinting to it and then stopping, there is work to be done for the next lifetime regarding the married couple’s love for one another, service toward each other, sacrifice, intimacy, romance, support, teamwork, and so much more. The best way to finish the race well is to put in immense preparation time beforehand!

Sanctification—the plan of God for every human being. Within that doctrinal word is wrapped up the summation of the human existence. Though sanctification takes place post-salvation, it is the will of God that every person be saved and then transformed into His image. Marriage is one of the main tools that God uses in His hand to bring this course to pass in the life of a Christian. Inside of marriage is a unique relationship that isn’t found anywhere else on the planet or within human existence. Marriage presents a mutual, agreed upon, contractual, covenantal relationship where, when carried out properly, two people become one in all areas of life. When this oneness comes to pass, everything is known, vulnerability is welcomed, intimacy is known, and sin is seen. Because of this deep oneness, spouses will know each other’s goods and bads, positives and negatives, successes and failures, strengths and weaknesses, righteousness and unrighteousness more than any other person on the planet. With this knowledge of another person comes the reality of forgiving and forbearing in a very real, minute-by-minute sense. This is the pinnacle of Christian sanctification—learning how to live amongst one another in the sight of God in spite of the wrong that has been done to oneself.

Because marriage is an element used in the act of sanctifying the saint, it must be understood that marriage is a two-way road. In other words, there are two people involved in the marital relationship, and if those two people are Christians, they are equally responsible for their own obedience to God’s working in their lives. There are responsibilities that lie with both the husband and the wife in a marital relationship. A husband is responsible before God for being the loving servant-leader of the family, aiming to represent Christ in all aspects of his guidance, direction, and decision-making for the family. The wife has an equally vital role—submission. Now, this term has been both abused and neglected by dictatorial men and narcissistic women. Submission is so vital in the home because it represents the Church’s (Christians as a whole) relationship to their Lord Jesus Christ. This does not mean that she is a “yes woman”, rather that she is in a place of her own responsibility. Whereas husbands will answer to God for his leadership—both good and bad—wives will answer for their ability to support the husband in that headship over their home. When a home and family have both a loving husband and a submissive wife, there will be unprecedented fruit within the children that they produce. 

Husbands and wives will also share another vital relational role—being parents. Being a mom. Being a dad.  This is a lost responsibility to most in the present generation and even the preceding ones. However, there is a high responsibility on parents because these children are literally little people—they have souls, hearts, feelings, wills, emotions, preferences, ideas, and little idiosyncrasies that are unique to them and them alone. God had created them in their own special way to be guided, nurtured, and raised up in the way that He created them to be. There is an extremely important balance for parents to find between being the boss of their children and understanding that they must be themselves and grow up to be who the Lord has called them to be in their lives. This philosophy should impact the way that parents address their children, how they discipline them, and how they put expectations on them. Children should, at a base level, be treated with the same level of respect as adult human beings and be treated with the same kindness and love that would be expected from any Christian. Never should there be derogatory terms and tones used with young people. Viewing children as people would tremendously help many family dynamics that are struggling today with balancing between spoiling their children and being overbearing.

Sadly, there is another reality that comes with the discussion of marriage and marital responsibilities. That is divorce. The point when marriage is no more, and it becomes nullified. There are many swirling thoughts, convictions, opinions, and views regarding the concept of divorce. One of the greatest lessons to be learned is that, simply put, divorce is real. It’s rarely going to be stopped. There’s no magic solution to do away with it. Jesus taught that it comes as a result of the hardness of hearts involved. It is called sin, and never presented in a positive way, Because it is real, it ought to be dealt with as such. One could shun those that have either made this choice or been left by a former spouse if they choose, but that is never prescribed in the Scriptures. In fact, the community of the Church is to be one that meets people at their sin and helps them to find a way to live their life in a way that can glorify God. Even above that, there are parameters that God gives in the Holy Text that make divorce permissible (sexual infidelity and the unbeliever departing from the believer in marriage based on their lifestyle for the Lord). Obviously, permission does not equate to pleasure. Simply because God says something is okay does not mean it is what He wants, but nevertheless, believers ought to heed these permissions as what they are. With all of that to be considered when it comes to divorce, one should heed treating it like the unforgivable sin or treating divorcees like they have the plague. There should be mercy, grace, love, empathy, compassion, and kindness offered to the divorced just like the drunkard. 

Beyond divorce, there is another very delicate topic in the marital discussion—remarriage. This discussion is one that is even more delicate than that of divorce from a biblical perspective. Remarriage is mentioned even less in the Scriptures than divorce is, yet it too is a reality, and much like divorce, there is great controversy around the convictions that surround remarriage in the life of a Christian. Jesus made it rather clear that anyone who marries someone who has been divorced causes that person to sin, yet it would seem that that application may be outside of the permissible areas for divorce mentioned above. Especially in the case of an unbeliever departing, Paul seems to make it clear that the brother or sister who is departed from is not bound in this matter. Rather, the divorce falls on the responsibility of the unbeliever for rejecting the lifestyle and truth that the believer in the marriage had to offer. The answer is somewhat unclear regarding remarriage—ideally, it would never be a necessity, but the Church is not to operate in idealism, but in realit. Much like divorcees, those who have remarried under the proper conditions should not be seen in a different light than any other Christian. Even those who divorce and remarry for the wrong reasons ought to be presented with the grace of God that can put the pieces back together in a better way than any man’s attempt ever could.

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By Hunter See

In the Midst of the Night

January 31, 2022 | Poetry | No Comments

Bowed down to the ground in the midst of the night

As the sounds of the day fade away with the light

Struggling and weary from a long day of fight

Drained from within, not an ounce left of might

Left in hopelessness no release is in sight

As the burdens of life weigh down so tight

Longing, yea begging, to fly away like a kite

To a place where the ground is made of pure white

Yet this longing my heart knows is not right

So, I bow down before God in the midst of the night

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By Hunter See

Psalm 90 – God’s Time

January 24, 2022 | Balance, Christian Living | No Comments

“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom” ~ Psalm 90:12

Time, what a mystery. Always fleeing from us yet ever pursuing after us. Easily measurable yet nearly indefinable. The title of this post is “God’s Time”, which, in and of itself sounds mysterious as it is. The concept to be discussed here is: what should I do with God’s time? There is a rather rudimentary foundation that is to be understood when delving into this question, and that is: all is God’s. All of creation. The visible and the invisible (Colossians 1:16). Even time itself, as we understand it would have begun when God said, “let there be light.” (Genesis 1:3) So, if time is indeed God’s, then we have a responsibility to God regarding His time.

Human responsibility is a discussion all to itself, but Scripture presents a clear case that there is some expectation of man to respond to God in some way pertaining to His creation. 1 Corinthians 4:2 states that “it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful.” This is contextually speaking to the mysteries of the wisdom of God compared to the wisdom of the world. In that context, I do think that you could make a case that time management would eventually fit in here, but I am looking mostly at the principle that Paul is referencing here—stewards (managers) are to be faithful. Few people would argue with this concept. If you trust someone to do something, whether it is for hire or voluntarily, you expect that it is done well.

This brings us to our main text, Psalm 90:12. Here, we find one of, if not the, oldest Psalms in all of the Hebrew songbook. Moses being the author, we get a prayer from the man that God took from a life-shattering sin and seclusion to speaking on God’s behalf to the most prominent man in all of the known world at the time—Pharaoh. However, this Psalm appears to take place in Moses’s later years. It seems that he is recounting all that he has seen and beheld at the hand of God over his lifespan. Don’t miss this, this is one of those times where the authorship REALLY contributes to the contextual compliments of a text.

———-

Authorship

Moses had lived forty years in Egypt, forty years on the backside of the desert, and another forty years in the wilderness wanderings of the Israelites. He had a resumé of life experience that exceeded most biblical characters. School of hard-knocks?—Graduated. He knew what it was like to see God’s hand of providence as his mother put him in a basket and sent him down the mighty Nile only to find him back in her arms shortly thereafter. He knew what it was like to be raised in the house of Pharaoh with wealth and splendor at his fingertips. He knew what it was like to sin big (forgive the terrible theological terminology there) when he murdered a man and fled from all that he knew and loved. He knew what it was like to see life seemingly waste away as he stood in a desert as a shepherd working for his father-in-law, Jethro. He knew what it was like to see God shatter the laws of nature with a bush that was on fire yet never consumed. He knew what it was like to feel a call and purpose of God on his life as God took Moses in spite of Moses and used him to change the course of history and the world through the Exodus of the Hebrew nation. He knew what it was like to lead from the top and fail like you’re at the bottom. Lastly, he knew what it was like to watch an entire generation, who gave their hearts over to faithless rebellion die off, one by one, as they wandered in circles for forty years. Moses. A man of God.

{Deuteronomy 33:1}

———-

Application

This man now pens a prayer and as he builds toward what we now call verse ten, covers God’s provision and protection (verse 1); His eternality (verses 2,4); His judgment and wrath (verses 3,7,9,11); and His superiority over man (verses 5,6,8,10). All of these points that Moses addresses about God would humble any sincere believer. Then comes verse twelve—the application. “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” The first half of this verse is literally, “teach us how to count our days (time). This seems like a strange concept when thought of this way, but most people are familiar with counting, or budgeting, their time. We call this making a schedule or keeping a calendar, by why should we do this? The second half of the verse reveals the answer to this question—to apply our hearts to wisdom.

Why take the time to manage your time? Well, it is because God has given only so much time to you in your life, and you need to spend it in a way that is pleasing unto Him (applying your heart to wisdom). All thoughts, feeling, desires and choices should be directed toward the One Who grants us every second. One man said this, “Procrastination is the arrogant assumption that God owes you another opportunity to do what you had time to do.” Ecclesiastes 12:1 sums this principle up well. Beyond that reality, we truly never know when time will run out. In the last year of ministry, I have experienced the passing of two fourteen-year-old boys within our church family. No one expected this, but the reality of death struck, and their time was no more. I believe William Shakespeare understood the reality of time when he penned these words: 

“Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,

So do our miniutes hasten to their end;

Each changing place with that which goes before,

In sequent toil all forwards do contend.”

(Shakespeare, Sonnet 60)

So, next time you are challenged with laziness or procrastination, and you don’t want to take the time to manage your time, remember: Moses, a man of God, under inspiration of God, charges you to number, count, manage your days and time so that you can apply your heart unto wisdom.

Until we write again…..

                                    In, for, and because of Christ,

                                                               Hunter V.S. See

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By Hunter See

Cynicism – My Greatest Battle

December 14, 2021 | Uncategorized | No Comments

It was November 2020. I was just entering into another season, yet not an unfamiliar one. It was a season of heartbreak and hurt. Feelings of betrayal, shallow conflict handling, and passionate longings swirled within my heart and psyche—you know that feeling right? You feel like you’re on that one funnel-shaped water slide at the amusement park, never quite knowing when your tube is going to spin, go up, or go down. Such is the description of many of my seasons in life, and I believe all can relate. 

In the wake of this season, I was scheduled to be in North Carolina for a weekend to preach at the church that I was part of during my time in the Army. I was planning to take the weekend to pray, fast, seek the Lord, and quite frankly beg the Lord to redeem and shift the situation that was I in. I wanted to harness the power of the prophets of old and beg God with unwavering fervor and zeal to do a work in someone else’s heart. Little did I know the overwhelming work that had to be done in my own heart that God was beginning and preparing to unveil.

“You’re cynical.” Those were the words that were spoken to me that I did not fully understand. Nevertheless, they reigned true and would set me on a path toward the next self-battle that I would face. I am beyond thankful for people who are willing to speak graceful, confrontational truth into my life because they love me. These people are hard to find, and I don’t mean that cynically (pun intended).

Before moving forward and unveiling the layers of my depraved heart, allow me to impart to you some things that I learned about cynicism and define it for you. Cynicism is generally defined as being distrustful of others; it is having a negative presumption, and therefore assumption, of someone else’s intent. Simply put, you assume the worst possible outcome of a situation and then live in light of that assumption.2,3 This is a dangerous thing to do because we do not hold that intuition nor power. Kurt Skelly, Pastor of Faith Baptist Church in Fredericksburg, VA once said, “The Bible, unlike any other book, or any other conversations we can have has the authority to tell us what the motive was.”4 We must not put upon ourselves the authority of assumption that only Scripture holds.

Let me be clear, I would have never defined myself in this way. I never would have claimed this to be my greatest battle, struggle, or sin. To be transparent, I always considered it to be lust. From the time of middle school, for about a decade I had been engulfed in pornography and an addiction thereof, indulging in sexual immorality at a young age, and learning what the ends thereof were. But to be honest, in my earliest adult years God began a course in my heart that completely broke those chains that I had so long experienced. As I look back on that timeframe of my life, I now believe that those actions and choices were actually an outflow from this issue that I am writing about today—cynicism.

You see, for me, before I heard the word cynicism, I was beginning to notice another tendency in my life that I knew needed to be addressed. That tendency was that I would harden myself to the world around me. The feelings, the emotions, the out-of-control parts of life, the hurts, the pains, the failures, the successes, the victories, the defeats, the high times, and the low times… I could just turn them off—nearly on the brink of numbness. I loved it too, it made me feel powerful and in control. I would do this in situations in the name of temperance (self-control), thinking that I had mastered control over my emotions. I am learning that there is a difference between self-control and self-hardening.

Nevertheless, I didn’t know why I had noticed this at the time, but that was how God began to work me toward this new realization that I was coming to and the next stage of my sanctification. 

I am learning that there is a difference between self-control and self-hardening.

So, what did this look like? How did it come across in my life? Well, I would have appeared to have everything under control. “Cynicism is so undetectable because it is so justifiable. It wears a mask of insight and godliness, but it conceals festering wounds of harbored bitterness against God and neighbor. We need to understand cynicism, because the masks we wear tell us about the wounds we hide, and point us to the Savior who yearns to mend them.”1 That was me. Bring me a question—here’s your answer. Emotions start rising—turn them off (after all, I am too spiritual to be swayed by such a frivolous concept as emotions). The truth was, I was miserable. Another truth was, I wanted to feel, but was terrified to because of the number of times I had put my emotions into the trust of another and been left in heartache. Alfred Lord Tennyson would speak wisely to this point with his famous words:

“I hold it true, whate’er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

‘Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.” 

I thought that my cynicism (even though I wouldn’t have called it that at the time) was biblically justified. After all, is not the heart deceitful and above all things desperately wicked; “who can know it?” Are not mankind and humanity capable of the deepest depravities that have ever been pondered in one’s heart? How could I fully trust someone? Ever? (I will be writing in the near future on “The Risk of Trust”).

I mean truly. 

Deeply. 

Dearly.

How?

The first step that I knew I would have to do (as with all spiritual endeavors) was to understand the issue, understand why I struggled with it, and uproot that system that so deeply coursed throughout the fabric of my being. [To save time, I recommend that you click on the first link at the bottom of this post. It is a post on cynicism by Paul Maxwell and can succinctly summarize much of this search that I set out on.] There is one quote that I wanted to share though because I believe that it summarizes my situation well, “Cynics are cornered sufferers who have turned their shields into blunt swords.”1 If you know me, this is me.

My mom says, “He’s meaner than a snake.” My dad tells me, “You do tend to just say what you’re thinking even if the other person doesn’t want it.” I have been told that, “I feel like I can’t be who I am around you” and “I have been scared to share my opinion.” This is wrong. This is harmful. This is hurtful. This must be fixed. This is how it comes to fruition in my life and then normally it just explodes whatever sanctity of relation had been built. It may not be just like this for everyone though. Paul Maxwell also points out, “It is easier for a woman to explain her singleness in terms of male immaturity than it is to face the possibility of being unwanted.”1 All of this is connected, though it may manifest itself in different ways, cynicism has a foundation that thinks, “I can’t possibly be the problem, it has to be them.”

Honestly, truthfully, lovingly, firmly, I believe we are narcissists at our core (even though we are first to accuse others of being such). We are the fulfillment of Paul’s prophetic warning that “men shall be lovers of themselves.” We think ourselves to be the cream of the crop when it comes to what God has to offer by spirituality, wisdom, godliness, and Christlikeness; when in actuality, we are the ones that stand in need of a loving God’s grace, mercy, kindness, and love more than most others.

Let me be vulnerable and clear with you, and then I won’t keep you much longer. This sin of cynicism has cost me relationships. Not just dating relationships with wonderful, godly girls who never deserved my distrust nor the ignorance of this underlying sin in my life, but it has cost me healthy relationships with people in general. Sure, I smile with people, I can have fun, I have close friends, but by and large, I push people away. My hardness, self-righteousness, and ill-placed assumptions have caused pain to many who love me and left a wake of relational shattering. I could sit here and pander on my upbringing and the hand I was dealt in life, but I shall not discredit the hand of the Dealer Who sovereignly saw fit to deal me such a hand. 

{Jeremiah 17:9; 2 Timothy 3:2}

———

If you struggle with this same thing that I am talking about, please feel free to reach out to me. I am presently writing early on in this discovery and newfound battle, but I am always here to stumble alongside anyone who is willing to stumble with me. I do leave you with one concept that I believe shatters our fleshly cynical defaults—agape love. I will post on this down the road, for redemption and restoration are always at hand. Thank you for reading. I love you all, and God is good.

Until we write again…..

                                    In, for, and because of Christ,

                                                               V.S. See

1. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/putting-off-cynicism – This link seems to no longer be active.

2. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cynical

3. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cynical

4. http://inthegospel.com/episode32/  

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By Hunter See

The Balance of Knowledge

November 15, 2021 | Balance, Christian Living, knowledge | No Comments

Many attributes throughout Scripture can be taken too far or not taken far enough. Some of the qualities that Christians are called to strive for can challenge a person’s balance of humility and pride. This battle is found in multiple aspects of the Christian life, but none may be so prominent as the apprehension of knowledge.

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One:  The Wisdom of Learning

As Solomon was penning his immense work of proverbial statements and thoughts to his sons, he provided an introduction. Within this introduction, he exhorts his sons that “A wise man will hear, and will increase in learning; a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.” The first portion of this verse is where attention must be given. Solomon states that someone who is choosing to walk in wisdom will increase in learning. 

However, this is not a passive increase; it is intentional. Notice, “will hear.” This sounds an alarm to Jesus’s words famous remarks about having “ears to hear.” This specific phrase is used eight times in the gospels and is always used to describe someone who not only hears words enter their ears but has an attitude of heeding what they have heard. There is intentionality.

Beyond Solomon’s instructions, the New Testament flagbearer charges his young disciple in the faith to “study to show yourself approved, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Notice the standard—study for approval from God. Every once in a while, in the text of Scripture, we come across a command and an expectation that presents an endless task. This is one of them. When God does this, I have come to understand that it is subtle instruction to continue this task throughout all your life. Learning, study, and diligence are never to cease for the true disciple of Jesus Christ. Paul knew this and was desperately heralding this charge and responsibility to his mentee and son in the faith.

{Proverbs 1:5; 2 Timothy 2:15}

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Two:  The Warning of Learning

Paul, a man who was academically superior to most of his equals gave an intense warning in his first epistle to the carnal Corinthian church. He warned them that “knowledge puffs up.” This may seem to be a strange warning given the emphasis on learning elsewhere in Scripture. However, this cautious instruction is not misplaced. The following discussion will be an overview of three Christian leaders’ views on the state of an overeducated church culture:

J. I. Packer – “For the fact that we have to face is this: If we pursue theological knowledge for its own sake, it is bound to go bad on us. It will make us proud and conceited. The very greatness of the subject power will intoxicate us, and we shall come to think of ourselves a cut above other Christians because of our interest in it and grasp of it; and we shall look down on those whose theological ideas seem to us crude and inadequate and dismiss them as very poor specimens. For, as Paul told the conceited Corinthians, ‘Knowledge puffs up… The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know,’ (1 Cor 8: 1-2)” (1973, 21). Here, Packer gives attention to the theoretical dangers of pursuing knowledge about God rather than pursuing God Himself.

Paul David Tripp discusses this concept in a very practical way in his book Dangerous Calling. He recounts his own experience in seminary, “I had spent hours each day for months studying perhaps the most extensive and gorgeous exposition of the gospel that has ever been written, and I had been fundamentally untouched by its message” (2015, 41). He goes on to discuss his concerns as he eventually ended up on the other side of the educational scene as an instructor. He comments, “Over the years I had heard way too much ‘Will we need to know this for the exam?’ and not enough ‘Help me understand how to live in light of what you are now teaching us’” (2015, 47) and “His study of the Word brings him again and again to his desk, but it seldom brings him to his knees” (2015, 55). It is observations like these from a man who has been paramount in influencing the practical theological scene over the last few decades that should raise concern to the student who studies for the sake of studying.

“His study of the Word brings him again and again to his desk, but it seldom brings him to his knees.”

Millard Erickson, the author of a premier textbook entitled Christian Theology, notices this risk in education as well. He addresses the modern-day context of Christian education and state, “Theology is now being done in a period characterized by, among other things, a ‘knowledge explosion.’ The amount of information is growing so rapidly that mastery of a large area of thought is becoming increasingly difficult. While this is especially true in technological areas, biblical and theological knowledge is also much broader than it once was. The result has been a much greater degree of specialization than previously required. In biblical studies, for example, New Testament scholars tend to specialize in the Gospels or in the Pauline writings. Church historians tend to specialize in one period, such as the Reformation. Consequently, research and publication are often in narrower are often in narrower areas and in greater depth” (2013, 48-49). Pardon the lengthy quote, but notice the trend—Packer, Tripp, and Erickson (all highly educated men) recognize that there is danger in knowledge. 

{1 Corinthians 8:1b}

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As with many things in the Christian life, balance is essential. We don’t want to fall into the trap of a pendulum theology or pattern in our Christian life. As we grow in our maturity as Christians, we must learn to balance the task of diligent study with the danger of self-exaltation. We can get to the point that we think our knowledge itself is enough to be self-sufficient and lead ourselves away from dependence on God. Knowledge and learning are necessary for spiritual growth, but so are humility and lowliness. We cannot let the natural tendencies of our hearts steer us toward self-sufficiency but self-denial.

Until we write again…..

                                    In, for, and because of Christ,

                                                               Hunter V.S. See

Tripp, P. D. (2015). Dangerous Calling: Confronting the Unique Challenges of Pastoral Ministry. Crossway. 

Packer, J. I. (2021). Knowing God. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Erickson, Millard J. (2013). Christian Theology. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group.

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By Hunter See