The Effects of Breakups on Culture and Christianity – Part IV

Approaching Break-ups Biblically

            The precedent has been set—there is a danger within the breakup culture. The remainder of this paper is purposed to now address many of the issues which were addressed throughout this writing. Here, the goal is not to exhaustively cover every situation and nuance that will come up during a breakup but to communicate that there are adequate and substantial answers to be found within the Scriptures regarding this topic. The goal is to raise awareness of how God addresses the human heart and analyze resources that will help in filling the gap that has manifested in Christianity regarding this area. It is recognized that the portion of the writing is the one with the most open-ended discussion. This is the new frontier. This is the unclaimed territory. There are areas yet to be discovered in the arena of heart-deep Bible application that speaks into the brokenhearted and downtrodden. God cares deeply about the hearts of men and women, through an honest analytical approach to the Inspired Text.

            A philosophy of the human heart concerning its Creator will not be discussed here, but an understanding of what the Bible refers to when it speaks of the “heart”, is essential. Merrill Unger, a famous Bible dictionary author, did a tremendous job in defining the human heart: 

According to thorough investigation and evidence of Scripture in all its parts, the heart is the innermost center of the natural condition of man…The heart is the seat of love… and hatred… the center of thought and conception; the heart knows… it understands… and it reflects. The heart is also the center of the feelings and affections: of joy… of pain… [of] all degrees of ill will… of dissatisfaction from anxiety… to despair. (Unger 2005, 544)

A much more intricate definition is given in Unger’s writing, but the above selection is targeted toward the purposes of this discussion. Unger’s definition is backed up with endless passages of Scripture, proving that the Bible speaks heavily to this subject of the human heart. The argument to be made here is that if the heart is what is defined in the above excerpt, then it is indeed the portion of the human being that was addressed in the previous sections of this writing. The heart is where the pain is experienced from a relational break. In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon—the wisest man who ever lived, and someone who had lived a life beyond its fullest extremities—states that mankind ought to “keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life” (4:23). The word issues in Proverbs 4:23 refers to a “source”. In other words, the heart is the reservoir by which many of a person’s inner issues reside and spawn.

            With a foundational understanding of the human heart, one can approach the issue of breakups through a biblical lens. Now, someone who desires to come to the Scriptures through an honest, literal, grammatical, and proper approach can analyze the deeper hurts and pains going on within someone after a breakup. Secular culture has labeled this sort of study “psychology”. Psychology is simply defined by Merriam-Webster as “the science of mind and behavior” (Psychology 2021). There remains a great void for Biblical Psychology to address these breakup effects carefully and masterfully, nevertheless, Christians are not left empty-handed. God has provided references that are adequate to bring peace and comfort to those who experience the detrimental effects of a relational break. The Psalms are the primary location that a student of Scripture goes to when dealing with heartbreak of any kind. In Psalm 34:17-18, it states, “The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” It is not hard to find the language that applies to breakups. Here, God has promised a solution to those who may be experiencing the negative effects that have been previously discussed. The solution is crying to the Lord. In this, one finds the hope needed to wait for deliverance and the presence of Almighty God amidst their hopelessness. The word “spirit is used above in Psalm 34:18; this word is often used similarly to the heart in Scripture. Another word that God often uses in this same way is “soul”, as in Psalm 54:4. Here, it is stated that “God is mine helper: the LORD is with them that uphold my soul.” This verse shows that God will also help those who are broken through the presence of others around them. Scripture undeniably speaks directly to the heart, and these few verses barely break the surface of the goldmine that Christians have on this subject.

            Space does not permit for substantial discussion here, but the New Testament also speaks clearly on this issue in the book of 2 Corinthians. In the first chapter, the Apostle Paul writes to this hurting church and explains the comfort that he found in God. He refers to the Lord as “the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation” (3-4). Contextually, Paul was not speaking directly to people who were experiencing what modern-day culture understands as a breakup, but he was experiencing similar effects. In verse eight, he states that “we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life.” Paul knew depression and heartbreak, yet was still able to state, “We should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead.” Paul knew that within God, and God alone, he could find the necessary strength and help in the midst of his heartbreak and turmoil. Given a larger scope, many more passages could be brought to the table for discussion on this matter. However, this is not a “how-to” paper. The aim has simply been to address with wisdom the reality of breakups today.

Closing

Dating is here, and it is here to stay. Culture and society—worldwide—have adapted to and adopted this approach to romantic pursuit. Though its methods and outplays may vary here and there; and though there will be people and groups who disagree with the approach, the Church (and the world, if honest) cannot ignore, nor avoid it. Since this is the case, breakups are a present reality that is here to stay. This societal paradigm has inevitably infiltrated the lives of some Christians; because of this, there are counselors, pastors, and average church people who are behind the curve and ill-equipped to handle this event. Thankfully, the Bible has provided the needed guidance through which breakups must be analyzed, processed, and addressed. It is acknowledged that the scope of this writing has not been exhaustive and covered all the intricacies of this topic. However, the hope of this author is that it sparks a discussion—a discussion among churches, Christians, pastors, leaders, parents, children, and singles. Something must be done to adequately address this need, and the sooner that it is, the better our culture and church bodies will be. So, may two actions be taken from here: first, may someone continue the discussion and the research; and second, may those Christians who face this paradigm view it analytically through the lens of Scripture. For the reader experiencing the exact subject of this paper: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30).

References

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